Healthy Lifestyle 3.0

It was inevitable…it has happened in the past and will probably happen again.  My Healthy Lifestyle 2.0 came to a crashing halt around the end of December.  Binging became the norm.  Daily calorie intake of up to 10000 was happening.  Eating Binging had become the norm.  Same thing that had happened in the past, happened again.  I even stopped biking to work every day, was more like twice a week.  In addition, I was going through a period of no sleep, for over a month, I would only have 2 hours of sleep at most, yes, I was in bed, but no sleep.  I was depressed!  I would start crying for no reason.  I wasn’t sure what was wrong with me.  Perhaps the eating habits had screwed me up, who knows? 

I did research, because that is what I do.  Was I having mental issues?  It sure seemed that way.  First thing, off to the doctor for a physical.  Heart rate - 58, freaking awesome (I think doc was surprised), blood pressure – perfect, weight (well, I knew the answer to that), he said “you have to lose a lot of weight”.  I said “no shit!”.  Blood tests, all good except triglycerides a little high, I figured it was the 10k of shitty calories/day that was causing that.  So, it was definitely nothing physical causing the depression.

Next step…and this was the difficult one, I had to talk to a psychiatrist.  Ugh, one of the most difficult things I have ever done.  After an hour of talk, he suggests that I may be clinically depressed (I’m thinking…no shit!), what can I do?  I have not made a second appointment.  I feel I should, but it is so subjective and not objective.  Why can’t there be a blood test? Give me a shot and boom it is gone.

In any case, today I have started Healthy Lifestyle 3.0.  I hope to get back with Team Awesome and continue a good physical routine as the weather starts to get nicer. I need the support of everyone as this continues, please help me.  It is not like me to ask for help, but with this, I truly need help!

To my friends, family, coworkers, I am so sorry for being the prick I was during my depression.  I just could not come out of it.  I feel terrible.  But you are my friends; I will do anything for you and hope that you will help me as I struggle with this.

-SB

Healthy Living 2.12 - Binge

As I enter the fourth month of this healthy living lifestyle, I must ask myself, “Just what is wrong with me?”  I went thirteen weeks, one quarter of a year, three months without a binging episode.  Not to say the urges were not there, they were, but I just overcame them.  Today, however, I was not strong enough, and I don’t know why.  Something inside of me was telling me to get a bowl of cereal, then another, then another, until the entire box was gone, then some fruit, still never felt full.  The urges continued until I went into shower and wanted to make myself puke.  I have worked so hard these last months to lose over 40 pounds, and then in one hour, I consumed more calories than I do in 3 days.  Again, what is wrong with me?  Why are these urges so profound?  Is this what an addict feels like when they need their next fix?  An alcoholic when they need their next drink?  I hate this feeling, it sucks!

Now that the episode is over, I try to look at the causes real or imaginary or whatever that led up to this.  My food this week was pretty much normal except for one day at school, there were bagels and it was the first real “pure” carb food that I have eaten.  Last night, Saturday, I cooked a version of orange chicken, a light version, and really a healthy meal, but now, as I look back on it, I probably ate a pound of chicken and three servings of vegetables, healthy? Yes, but probably way too much.  Then today, normal breakfast, early lunch, made a breakfast of an omelet with bacon, onion, tomatoes, and mushrooms, and probably ended up eating a half pound of bacon.  Then this afternoon, I’m walking by the kitchen, boom!  Just one bowl of cereal…why did it become so many?

I guess it starts again right now.  Now, out for a walk, a cup of coffee, and some self reflection.

-SB

Healthy Living 2.10 - Challenges

Food was not an issue this week…or maybe it was.  My calorie intake is way below what it should be, I am trying to get up near 2000 calories/day, but am not getting close to that, as a result, I think that my body is trying to conserve fat as I may have gone into starvation mode.  So for the second consecutive week I will try harder to get up to 2000 calories/day.  Yet the fear of binging is always there and it is killing me.

The statistics for this past week.

BMI - 41.8 (down 0.1 down 4.7 total)
Calorie Intake - 1550/day
Calories Burned - 3371/day
Net Caloric difference -1821/day
Water - 72 oz/day


Proteins - Carbs - Fat distribution -- 48% - 43% - 9%

Many battles are fought when you have been fighting obesity.  Some jerk on a website said, “hey, to lose weight, all you got to do is eat less calories then you take in!”  Well, no shit!  Well there is a problem, you have to take in calories to lose weight, and a decent amount of calories if you are working out.  For the past three or four weeks I’ve seen my caloric intake decrease and am way below where I should be.  It is crazy to think that you must eat to lose, but it is the way our bodies work.

Another battle I face is the desire to binge.  I’ve talked about it many times.  When I go to the grocery with my family, they buy pasta; I have thoughts in my head about how much I would love to eat an entire box of pasta in alfredo sauce.  Today, my wife made pizza for my daughter and her friend…I could not resist.  I had about 2 servings of pizza.  It took every ounce of energy/willpower/whatever you want to call it to not finish that pizza.  I wish I could explain this desire? need? more clearly, but I can’t and it sucks.  The feeling sucks!  Will this be something that I must battle the rest of my life?  I thought habits were broken in two months, been over two months since I’ve binged, but oh man, the desires to binge are there all the time.

Finally, this past week, getting to the gym was an issue.  I do not know why, but I just could not get my fat, lazy butt out of the house.  Schedule conflicts prevented me from stopping at the gym after school.  I am glad I have the support of family, my friends, and Team Awesome. 

-SB