Healthy Living 2.14 - Depression

I missed a couple of weeks, partly because of laziness, partly because this healthy lifestyle is getting me down…despite the enormous gains…er losses.  I reached a milestone these past weeks.  The first, I am now able to use the Wii Fit board.  I think that is a good thing.  Now I have to destroy all of my daughters’ records.  The second milestone deals with a round number, not really comfortable with stating my weight yet, but it was smashed through.  In any case, I’m looking at BMI as my targets.  Will be below 40 BMI soon, maybe next week…so cool!

The statistics for this past week.

BMI – 40.1 (down 6.4 total)
Calorie Intake - 1850/day
Calories Burned - 3500/day
Net Caloric difference -1650/day
Water - 72 oz/day


Proteins - Carbs - Fat distribution -- 49% - 41% - 10%

I am finding that with the healthy living comes depression. I don’t think it is bad enough to be medicated, but there are days when I find it so difficult to continue on without binging.  And the feeling doesn’t pass quickly, not at all, sometime it lasts days.  And it is not like I’m not eating!  I know studies have been done and find high rates of depression in the obese, but I cannot find any studies about depression of those going through healthy lifestyle changes.  In any case, I just tell myself to suck it up and keep going.  I know I am not alone in this.  I have the support of family, friends, my fitness team, but I am not sure what to ask for help.  That is what is frustrating.

Soon, about a year from now, I’ll be at a BMI of 28 and you won’t recognize me.

-SB

Healthy Living 2.10 - Challenges

Food was not an issue this week…or maybe it was.  My calorie intake is way below what it should be, I am trying to get up near 2000 calories/day, but am not getting close to that, as a result, I think that my body is trying to conserve fat as I may have gone into starvation mode.  So for the second consecutive week I will try harder to get up to 2000 calories/day.  Yet the fear of binging is always there and it is killing me.

The statistics for this past week.

BMI - 41.8 (down 0.1 down 4.7 total)
Calorie Intake - 1550/day
Calories Burned - 3371/day
Net Caloric difference -1821/day
Water - 72 oz/day


Proteins - Carbs - Fat distribution -- 48% - 43% - 9%

Many battles are fought when you have been fighting obesity.  Some jerk on a website said, “hey, to lose weight, all you got to do is eat less calories then you take in!”  Well, no shit!  Well there is a problem, you have to take in calories to lose weight, and a decent amount of calories if you are working out.  For the past three or four weeks I’ve seen my caloric intake decrease and am way below where I should be.  It is crazy to think that you must eat to lose, but it is the way our bodies work.

Another battle I face is the desire to binge.  I’ve talked about it many times.  When I go to the grocery with my family, they buy pasta; I have thoughts in my head about how much I would love to eat an entire box of pasta in alfredo sauce.  Today, my wife made pizza for my daughter and her friend…I could not resist.  I had about 2 servings of pizza.  It took every ounce of energy/willpower/whatever you want to call it to not finish that pizza.  I wish I could explain this desire? need? more clearly, but I can’t and it sucks.  The feeling sucks!  Will this be something that I must battle the rest of my life?  I thought habits were broken in two months, been over two months since I’ve binged, but oh man, the desires to binge are there all the time.

Finally, this past week, getting to the gym was an issue.  I do not know why, but I just could not get my fat, lazy butt out of the house.  Schedule conflicts prevented me from stopping at the gym after school.  I am glad I have the support of family, my friends, and Team Awesome. 

-SB

Healthy Living 2.09 - Inspiration

Life as a teacher, father, and husband is very busy.  Sometimes too busy.   As a result, sacrifices must be made.  For me this past week it was food that was sacrificed.  Time was non-existent to cook healthy meals, the only thing available to me were foods that were not good at all.  So, I had a choice, have an unhealthy meal...or no meal.  I chose no meal.  As a result, for the second consecutive week my calorie intake was way too low.  I had two days when I had less than 1000 calories, about 1000 calories less than I should be eating.  Ugh, it is so difficult to plan to eat healthy, but I am doing the best I can because of my inspiration.

The good news from are the statistics for this past week.

BMI - 41.9  (down 0.3 down 4.6 total)
Calorie Intake - 1375/day
Calories Burned - 3479/day
Net Caloric difference -2104/day
Water - 72 oz/day


Proteins - Carbs - Fat distribution -- 50% - 41% - 9%

On this journey to healthy living, I am finding inspiration an important part of my life...no not from some fictional fairy monster living in the sky, but from friends, family, acquaintances, and from deep within myself.

I have said many times, that my wife is my best friend and the greatest, kindest person I know.  If I could only be a small percentage as wonderful as her, I would accomplish great things.  I could watch her all day, she makes me smile.  And I think to myself more and more that she deserves more than this obese lard ass here.  I look at my daughter, and I hope that she will not follow in my obese footsteps, parents are the only true role models and she sees my bad habits no matter how I try to hide them.  This will not happen!

Friends and acquaintances are great!  My fitness team formed by JT Eberhard is great.  It is good to know how other people watching you calorie intake can make comments and care for you and worry for you despite not even knowing you in person.  I am truly honored by this.

Finally, inspiration must come from within.  It is just difficult sometimes to get it out.  It arrives when I check the scale and it shows a loss, it arrives when I have an aggressive workout, it arrives when I achieve a goal/milestone, it arrives when I use my willpower to overcome unhealthy choices.  I just can't wait until the moment it arrives when I can see a difference in my body.

-SB

Healthy Living 2.07 - Clothing part 1

What a month it has been for a commuter cyclist in Maryland.  On August 23rd, there was a magnitude 5.3 earthquake that hit the region.  At first I thought it was one of the construction vehicles at our school smashing into a wall.  Next up was Hurricane Irene from August 28th to August 30th.  Then this past week, which really sucked for a cyclist was over 11 inches of rain.  There was flooding everywhere. But oh my, it is very exhilarating feeling the rain stinging your eyes and face as you peddle hard into the downpour.  However, I was really getting tired of being soaking wet upon arrival at school and getting home.  Oh well, it will only make me appreciate the fall and winter season coming up.


The statistics for this past week.

BMI - 43.3  (down 0.7 down 3.2 total)
Calorie Intake - 1658/day
Calories Burned - 3692/day
Net Caloric difference -2035/day
Water - 72 oz/day


Proteins - Carbs - Fat distribution -- 40% - 50% - 10%
This extremely wet week has made me go in search of a new rain jacket for cycling.  Well, I know that a good rain jacket is a speciality item.  So, I go to REI and take a look at the biking jackets.  I find a couple of makes, and way cool, they have a couple of XXL in two different styles.  There is one in particular, in an awesome florescent green, I try it on, I could barely put my arm through it.  XXL, in what world?  Oh yeah, the biking world where most people barely weight more than 150 lbs and are extremely tiny. Grrr!

This has not been my first encounter with crappy sizing, unfortunately, getting quality and plus size clothing is extremely difficult.  I suspect it is because clothing has never really been designed properly for obese people.  But that is another posting.

-SB

Healthy Living - 2.02 - Experts

So week 2 is complete.  I am seeing some success, but it never comes as fast as you thing.  Here are the statistics for the past week:

BMI - 45.6  (down 0.2)
Calorie Intake - 1796/day
Calories Burned - 3407/day
Net Caloric difference - 1611/day
Water - 72 oz/day


Proteins - Carbs - Fat distribution --          41% - 48% - 10%


Still have the mental block about getting 2000 cal/day.  The one day I felt like I ate too much (didn't), I ended up going to the gym and doing another 30 mins on the elliptical.  Doing this extra exercise is not a bad thing, but I must be aware that it is not a cure all if I get off track.  However, mentally, I felt it was necessary to do this.  Another good thing is that I drastically increased the amount of vegetables this week, it resulted in bigger meals, but again, felt I ate more (less calories) and had to do more to make up for what I ate.  Grrrr.

I am a skeptic, I do my research, I don't buy into pseudoscience.  So "experts", listen up!  I do not need your advice on how to lose weight/get healthy.  Yes, I know I have to burn more calories than I consume.  I know that I must exercise (anaerobic and aerobic) on a consistent basis to increase my metabolism.  What pisses me off are the "experts".  Usually, skinny people (yes, I'm generalizing) suggesting how I should eat, what I should eat, and how I should exercise.

1. Unless you are in the medical profession, shut up!  I know I should have about 2000 cal/day with plenty of protein, fruits, and vegetables.  I really think it is nice that you can survive eating one garden salad with no dressing for the week.  I also think it is awesome that you can eat as much as you want without gaining an ounce.  You know, saying stuff like that to a person with weight issues makes you an asshole.
   
   
2. Yes, I know I shouldn't eat after 6 pm or however many hours before you go to sleep.  But you know what, I have a life.  I work and have a family, I wish I could have dinner finished by 6 or 7 everyday, but it is just not possible.  Get a life!
   
   
3. Exercise experts.  These people piss me off the most.  I was at the gym yesterday, just finished 45 mins of lifting and was doing my cardio.  I usually do about 30 mins of cardio (elliptical/bike/treadmill) and finish about 2 miles (more on the bike).  In any case, this guy says you know what, you will lose weight faster if you run faster and farther.  It took every ounce of self-restraint to just nod and walk away.   In retrospect I should have said, "let's see how fast and far you can run when I strap 10 lb weights to your ankles and wrists, then let's add a 50 lb backpack.  Now I know that is only an extra 90 lbs, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt." 
   
   My guess is that asshole would not have been able to complete a mile let alone two.  I'm sure he would not be running an 8 minute mile.  I will not be putting up with this type of jerk in the future, guess it is just the "polite Canadian" in me.

So far, things these first couple of weeks have gone well.  Good thing is that I do not count calories, I would go freaking bat shit crazy if I measured out calories before I eat things.  When I track things it is always after the fact.  Same goes for exercise, I have a routine, cardio everday, weights every second day, but the tracking is not until after it happens.  I believe that this gives me a great sense of where I am on a daily basis.

Getting Healthy - 2.01 - Binge Eating Disorder

First the good news!  And here are the statistics.

BMI -                                      45.8 (down 0.7)
Calorie Intake -                       1780/day
Calories Burned -                    3315/day
Net Caloric difference -          1534/day
Water -                                    72 oz/day

Protiens - Carbs - Fat distribution --          38% - 50% - 12%

I feel that my biggest issues with this are that I must increase my calorie intake/day to about 2000, the problem with that is that I am terrified that I will not be able to stop.  I would also like to even out the protien-carb distribution.  But overall, this is a very good start!

Week one of the healthy eating/living lifestyle is now complete.  And it was difficult!  Mentally, overcoming urges just to make a peanut butter sandwich or three and down them, was so difficult.  I can see where people with drug/alcohol/smoking addictions have problems.  I did some research into binge eating and found an interesting article in the Psychiatric Times. It describes something called Binge  Eating Disorder (BED).  However, BED is not a recognized disorder and therefore goes untreated.  There is a list of questions for clinicians to identify BED.

Do you eat unusually large amounts of food at one sitting (equivalent to two full meals)?

- Absolutely!  Whenever I finish, a second helping, plus whatever is not finished by others at tables often happens.

Do you eat this way even when you're not hungry?

- Hungry? Always hungry!

Do you eat until you're uncomfortably full?

- Full?  What is this full you speak of?  There is never enough food.  I would only stop if I was going to puke.  It has got to this point many times.

Do you feel you've lost control and can't stop eating?

- All the time!

Do you feel ashamed or depressed afterwards?

- All the time!

Has this happened two or more times a week for six months?

- Stupid question!  Of course it happens and it took me way longer that six months to get beyond obese.

Do you eat alone because you're embarrassed to eat around others?

- Yes.  I find that even if I am around others I am eating alone.  I will eat fast and sneak so others will not see.  When alone, that is the worse.  In the car on the way to work, on the way home, binge eating occurs.  The second my family leaves the house, binge eating.  The overwhelming desire to eat is so strong.


There is a relationship to BED and Bulimia nervosa.  The biggest difference is there is no desire to purch calories (vomiting, diuretics, laxatives, or excessive exercise) after a binge eating episode.  As a result, people who have BED end up obese; people with Bulimia nervosa remain skinny.


What can be done?  Who knows?  It is going to be avoiding situations where I am alone with food.  This is really hard when there is food in the house, there is a pizza place at the other end of the phone line, or a fast food restaurant only five minutes away.  The second thing is I will need friends, family, coworkers, anyone to keep an eye on me. Hey, I'm really good a sneaking food.  I have been doing this for a long time and you haven't caught me yet.  Have you seen me eat those six donuts at school?  Probably not.

SB

Getting Healthy 2.0

I really hate to call it a diet, it must be more of a lifestyle change.  I realize what I must do to accomplish my goals.  I have done my due diligence as I always do when starting a project.  I have created a spreadsheet with my starting statistics, height, weight, BMI, and the scary number of inches around body parts.  As well, I will be keeping track of protein, carb, fats.  The following ratios worked well for me in the past and seem to be a consensus on many websites, 50% protein, 30% carbs, 20% fats.  Water intake will be at least 48 oz/day.  Finally, I will not be eating after 6 pm if I can help it.

This is going to suck so bad!  Will go for a run if I fell hungry, but this is going to kill me.  Well, if I don't do this I'll kill be killing myself.

Workouts goals are to be at least 30 minutes of cardio/day (running/biking/swimming) and lifting at least three times/week.  This will be easy to do when school starts as I'll be biking everyday, parking at school will be a nightmare.

Beginning Stats - July 25
Weight -- Too much
BMI - 43.5
Sum of Inches (230) neck, chest, waist, thigh, calf, belly

The Fight Against Obesity -- Honest View

I am once again way too obese.  I can see the concern in my wife's eyes and even a little in my daughters innocent young eyes.  Now, the question, how did I get this way?  Easy, eat too much, exercise too little.  Now you say that is an easy cure, eat less and exercise more.  Well, no kidding!  You think I don't know this?  To "normal" people out there, do you realize that I never feel full! Never! You would think two donuts is plenty, try a dozen.  Four slices of pizza? Only enough if a large extra large pizza is cut into four slices. 

Recently, some very brave bloggers have shared their issues with the world.  Jen McCreight, The Blag Hag, writes about her battle with Dermatillomania. you can read about it here. Or JT Eberhard's battle against anorexia, he has talked about it often, you can read about it here.  Jen and JT, I thank you for your openness, it helps me talking about what I am going through.  NPR just posted a story about a woman's battle to shed weight and the shame she feels, I see everything she says in my own life. 

Those who know me, know that I hate losing.  Really hate losing (so losing weight is tough, ha ha).  So, today I will be trying to start a "New Way of Life" again.  Eating healthy, well proportioned meals, exercising, and continuing to talk about the struggles.  Will I be downing multiple double cheeseburgers in the future?  Probably, but then not to let it continue.  It is so tough!  But with support, planning, and my desire, hopefully I could get down to a healthy weight by next summer.  I'm going to be posting on a weekly basis my status and what is happening, I'd appreciate any help you can give me.  If you see me sneaking that 1st, 2nd, or 10th donut, tell me.  I won't get pissed.  I need your help.

SB