Healthy Lifestyle 3.0

It was inevitable…it has happened in the past and will probably happen again.  My Healthy Lifestyle 2.0 came to a crashing halt around the end of December.  Binging became the norm.  Daily calorie intake of up to 10000 was happening.  Eating Binging had become the norm.  Same thing that had happened in the past, happened again.  I even stopped biking to work every day, was more like twice a week.  In addition, I was going through a period of no sleep, for over a month, I would only have 2 hours of sleep at most, yes, I was in bed, but no sleep.  I was depressed!  I would start crying for no reason.  I wasn’t sure what was wrong with me.  Perhaps the eating habits had screwed me up, who knows? 

I did research, because that is what I do.  Was I having mental issues?  It sure seemed that way.  First thing, off to the doctor for a physical.  Heart rate - 58, freaking awesome (I think doc was surprised), blood pressure – perfect, weight (well, I knew the answer to that), he said “you have to lose a lot of weight”.  I said “no shit!”.  Blood tests, all good except triglycerides a little high, I figured it was the 10k of shitty calories/day that was causing that.  So, it was definitely nothing physical causing the depression.

Next step…and this was the difficult one, I had to talk to a psychiatrist.  Ugh, one of the most difficult things I have ever done.  After an hour of talk, he suggests that I may be clinically depressed (I’m thinking…no shit!), what can I do?  I have not made a second appointment.  I feel I should, but it is so subjective and not objective.  Why can’t there be a blood test? Give me a shot and boom it is gone.

In any case, today I have started Healthy Lifestyle 3.0.  I hope to get back with Team Awesome and continue a good physical routine as the weather starts to get nicer. I need the support of everyone as this continues, please help me.  It is not like me to ask for help, but with this, I truly need help!

To my friends, family, coworkers, I am so sorry for being the prick I was during my depression.  I just could not come out of it.  I feel terrible.  But you are my friends; I will do anything for you and hope that you will help me as I struggle with this.

-SB

Healthy Living 2.13 - Anniversary Weekend

January 10, 1990, I met the most amazing woman of all time.  I was fortunate enough to pick her out at a popular bar in Quebec City.  In a couple of weeks, we knew we were in love, a couple of weeks later we were engaged.  On October, 12, 1991, we were married.  I have said this many times, but feel I cannot say it enough, but Erin makes people around her better.  Whether it is her smile, her attitude, her kindness, her work ethic, or her “je ne sais quoi?”, whatever she has, it is infectious. 

  

With regards to healthy living, she has been by my side for the full gamut.  When we met, I was a healthy 210 lbs, then by the time we were married, probably close to 300.  Stayed that way for a while, then got into refereeing hockey and triathlons, so got down to low 220s, stayed there for about a year before ballooning up again.  Now, the last few years, have been terrible (from a weight perspective), but each time, Erin stands by me regardless of my weight, what I look like, or my eating habits.

 

So this past weekend, Erin and I went to a lovely bed and breakfast for our anniversary celebration.  A very cool murder mystery, romantic walks, and a scenic bike ride through the cotton fields were awesome.  As always, my thoughts were always on food and how I could share meals with my love and at the same time be healthy.  I was very cognizant of what I was eating every single meal, eating half portions, leaving carbohydrate heavy foods on the plate, and drinking plenty of water.  Yes, I believe I did eat more carbs than normal, but my calorie count could not have been over 2000 per day.  Ugh, it was so tough.  But I enjoyed wonderful meals, plenty of fish and vegetables, and an occasional glass of wine.

As Erin and I were leaving, we discussed the weekend and how we both agreed that I ate proper portions, never overboard, nothing outrageous, had plenty of exercise, and that I should be maintaining my trend.  So, was very positive when I got home.  Checked the scale, gained three pounds?  How?  Didn’t even eat 3 pounds of food over the four days!  Will I have to live never eating like a “normal” person again?  So much work to lose 3 pounds, and doing nothing but being good for 4 days and weight comes back on.  Garbage!  So disappointed. 

The weekend was wonderful, sharing it with Erin, but then realizing that my life will never be normal sucks big time.

-SB

Healthy Living 2.12 - Binge

As I enter the fourth month of this healthy living lifestyle, I must ask myself, “Just what is wrong with me?”  I went thirteen weeks, one quarter of a year, three months without a binging episode.  Not to say the urges were not there, they were, but I just overcame them.  Today, however, I was not strong enough, and I don’t know why.  Something inside of me was telling me to get a bowl of cereal, then another, then another, until the entire box was gone, then some fruit, still never felt full.  The urges continued until I went into shower and wanted to make myself puke.  I have worked so hard these last months to lose over 40 pounds, and then in one hour, I consumed more calories than I do in 3 days.  Again, what is wrong with me?  Why are these urges so profound?  Is this what an addict feels like when they need their next fix?  An alcoholic when they need their next drink?  I hate this feeling, it sucks!

Now that the episode is over, I try to look at the causes real or imaginary or whatever that led up to this.  My food this week was pretty much normal except for one day at school, there were bagels and it was the first real “pure” carb food that I have eaten.  Last night, Saturday, I cooked a version of orange chicken, a light version, and really a healthy meal, but now, as I look back on it, I probably ate a pound of chicken and three servings of vegetables, healthy? Yes, but probably way too much.  Then today, normal breakfast, early lunch, made a breakfast of an omelet with bacon, onion, tomatoes, and mushrooms, and probably ended up eating a half pound of bacon.  Then this afternoon, I’m walking by the kitchen, boom!  Just one bowl of cereal…why did it become so many?

I guess it starts again right now.  Now, out for a walk, a cup of coffee, and some self reflection.

-SB

Healthy Living 2.10 - Challenges

Food was not an issue this week…or maybe it was.  My calorie intake is way below what it should be, I am trying to get up near 2000 calories/day, but am not getting close to that, as a result, I think that my body is trying to conserve fat as I may have gone into starvation mode.  So for the second consecutive week I will try harder to get up to 2000 calories/day.  Yet the fear of binging is always there and it is killing me.

The statistics for this past week.

BMI - 41.8 (down 0.1 down 4.7 total)
Calorie Intake - 1550/day
Calories Burned - 3371/day
Net Caloric difference -1821/day
Water - 72 oz/day


Proteins - Carbs - Fat distribution -- 48% - 43% - 9%

Many battles are fought when you have been fighting obesity.  Some jerk on a website said, “hey, to lose weight, all you got to do is eat less calories then you take in!”  Well, no shit!  Well there is a problem, you have to take in calories to lose weight, and a decent amount of calories if you are working out.  For the past three or four weeks I’ve seen my caloric intake decrease and am way below where I should be.  It is crazy to think that you must eat to lose, but it is the way our bodies work.

Another battle I face is the desire to binge.  I’ve talked about it many times.  When I go to the grocery with my family, they buy pasta; I have thoughts in my head about how much I would love to eat an entire box of pasta in alfredo sauce.  Today, my wife made pizza for my daughter and her friend…I could not resist.  I had about 2 servings of pizza.  It took every ounce of energy/willpower/whatever you want to call it to not finish that pizza.  I wish I could explain this desire? need? more clearly, but I can’t and it sucks.  The feeling sucks!  Will this be something that I must battle the rest of my life?  I thought habits were broken in two months, been over two months since I’ve binged, but oh man, the desires to binge are there all the time.

Finally, this past week, getting to the gym was an issue.  I do not know why, but I just could not get my fat, lazy butt out of the house.  Schedule conflicts prevented me from stopping at the gym after school.  I am glad I have the support of family, my friends, and Team Awesome. 

-SB

Healthy Living 2.09 - Inspiration

Life as a teacher, father, and husband is very busy.  Sometimes too busy.   As a result, sacrifices must be made.  For me this past week it was food that was sacrificed.  Time was non-existent to cook healthy meals, the only thing available to me were foods that were not good at all.  So, I had a choice, have an unhealthy meal...or no meal.  I chose no meal.  As a result, for the second consecutive week my calorie intake was way too low.  I had two days when I had less than 1000 calories, about 1000 calories less than I should be eating.  Ugh, it is so difficult to plan to eat healthy, but I am doing the best I can because of my inspiration.

The good news from are the statistics for this past week.

BMI - 41.9  (down 0.3 down 4.6 total)
Calorie Intake - 1375/day
Calories Burned - 3479/day
Net Caloric difference -2104/day
Water - 72 oz/day


Proteins - Carbs - Fat distribution -- 50% - 41% - 9%

On this journey to healthy living, I am finding inspiration an important part of my life...no not from some fictional fairy monster living in the sky, but from friends, family, acquaintances, and from deep within myself.

I have said many times, that my wife is my best friend and the greatest, kindest person I know.  If I could only be a small percentage as wonderful as her, I would accomplish great things.  I could watch her all day, she makes me smile.  And I think to myself more and more that she deserves more than this obese lard ass here.  I look at my daughter, and I hope that she will not follow in my obese footsteps, parents are the only true role models and she sees my bad habits no matter how I try to hide them.  This will not happen!

Friends and acquaintances are great!  My fitness team formed by JT Eberhard is great.  It is good to know how other people watching you calorie intake can make comments and care for you and worry for you despite not even knowing you in person.  I am truly honored by this.

Finally, inspiration must come from within.  It is just difficult sometimes to get it out.  It arrives when I check the scale and it shows a loss, it arrives when I have an aggressive workout, it arrives when I achieve a goal/milestone, it arrives when I use my willpower to overcome unhealthy choices.  I just can't wait until the moment it arrives when I can see a difference in my body.

-SB

Healthy Living 2.08 - Clothing part 2

Last night I asked my wife, "how long do you think it has been since I started doing this 'healthy living' thing?"  Her response, "I don't know, 14 weeks!".  Yup, feels that long, but in reality it has only been 8 weeks, not even 2 full months and it feels a lot longer.  Yes, I love the results, but oh, I miss my favourite food of all time, pizza.  I don't dare eat a slice because I know one slice will lead into a whole pizza, I just don't have that will power. 

In any case, here are the statistics for this past week. 

BMI - 42.2  (down 1.1 down 4.3 total)
Calorie Intake - 1484/day
Calories Burned - 3675/day
Net Caloric difference -2156/day
Water - 72 oz/day


Proteins - Carbs - Fat distribution -- 43% - 47% - 10%
I'm extremely worried about my calorie intake, it is at this point that I feel binge opportunities available.  Yes, I'm making all of my meals, and should really eat more...but have the feeling that I am eating too much.  This week I'm going to increase my protein and reduce my carbs even more.  It means more chicken and fish.  But will, I promise to make a concerted effort to increase my caloric intake to around the 2100 range.

Clothing - Part 2

Last week I talked a little about sizes, this week it is more about the looks and effects of clothes on the obese person.  Clothes, no matter the style always look terrible on obese people and never fit properly (I really don't know about properly tailored clothes).  From a male perspective, the only one I can give is this.  No clothes for obese people fit well and as a result there is an ugly result to this on an obese persons body.

I love wearing Polo's, golf shirts, whatever you want to call them, and getting a size that fits correctly a XXL or XXXL is possible, however, the what happens is that chaffing of the worst kind occurs under the arms and feels absolutely terrible!

Directly under arm, hurts so bad!

Pants, whether jeans, shorts, khakis, whatever, must be cinched up tight with a belt to prevent showing an enormous plumbers crack.  The result is unsightly lines across the belly.  So disgusting and absolutely nothing you can do about it.  I'm wondering if this will be the same 12 months from here.

Clothes in general, big, bulky, hanging off our obese bodies, no matter how, never look good.  I love my friends for they see me as the good person I am and not the person wearing these terrible clothes.  I know it doesn't matter, but there is some vanity in all of us.  And yes, I have some.

-SB

Healthy Living 2.07 - Clothing part 1

What a month it has been for a commuter cyclist in Maryland.  On August 23rd, there was a magnitude 5.3 earthquake that hit the region.  At first I thought it was one of the construction vehicles at our school smashing into a wall.  Next up was Hurricane Irene from August 28th to August 30th.  Then this past week, which really sucked for a cyclist was over 11 inches of rain.  There was flooding everywhere. But oh my, it is very exhilarating feeling the rain stinging your eyes and face as you peddle hard into the downpour.  However, I was really getting tired of being soaking wet upon arrival at school and getting home.  Oh well, it will only make me appreciate the fall and winter season coming up.


The statistics for this past week.

BMI - 43.3  (down 0.7 down 3.2 total)
Calorie Intake - 1658/day
Calories Burned - 3692/day
Net Caloric difference -2035/day
Water - 72 oz/day


Proteins - Carbs - Fat distribution -- 40% - 50% - 10%
This extremely wet week has made me go in search of a new rain jacket for cycling.  Well, I know that a good rain jacket is a speciality item.  So, I go to REI and take a look at the biking jackets.  I find a couple of makes, and way cool, they have a couple of XXL in two different styles.  There is one in particular, in an awesome florescent green, I try it on, I could barely put my arm through it.  XXL, in what world?  Oh yeah, the biking world where most people barely weight more than 150 lbs and are extremely tiny. Grrr!

This has not been my first encounter with crappy sizing, unfortunately, getting quality and plus size clothing is extremely difficult.  I suspect it is because clothing has never really been designed properly for obese people.  But that is another posting.

-SB

Healthy Living 2.06 - Online group help

Thought these things are supposed to get easier as time goes on.  You know, developing new habits, I am doing that, but no way it is not easier, it is just as difficult.  Just have to keep on going.  The Livestrong site is very cool for showing progress and trend lines, at this rate, I'll be at a healthy weight sometime around December 2013...that makes this journey very daunting and very long.


The statistics for this past week.

BMI - 44.0  (down 0.2 down 2.5 total)
Calorie Intake - 1735/day
Calories Burned - 3978/day
Net Caloric difference - 2287day
Water - 72 oz/day


Proteins - Carbs - Fat distribution -- 42% - 48% - 10%

I mentioned here about Binge Eating Disorder and how I was sort of inspired by two of my favorite bloggers who wrote about their challenges with psychological disorders.  First off was Jen McCreight of The Blag Hag blog, writing about what must be a truly embarrassing disorder.  Then having the courage to piggy back on Jen's bravery is JT Eberhard writing on his very good blog What Would JT Do?  JT has been battling anorexia nervosa and doing very well, until recently it has morphed into anorexia athletica, you can read about it here.

JT has formed a group called Fitness Saturday...errr, Friday, err, whatever day of the week it is supposed to be on.  In any case, there are six of us in this group and we post our results, accomplishments, encourage each other.  We are extremely different, each person has their own goals, their own battles, and their own reasons for doing this.  I have yet to get to know Conrad, Sid, Brandon, Nikki, Tanya, or even JT  (I just know him through his blogs).  What I do know from the few e-mails we have shared is that we are all dedicated to becoming more fit.  It feels good to be part of a group.  It feels good to have the support of people you hardly know who are going through a similar journey and we can see each others goals.

Thanks to all for the support so far, I estimate that I have completed approximately 10% of this journey.  It is a long way to go but I'm sure it will be worth it.

-SB

Healthy Living - 2.02 - Experts

So week 2 is complete.  I am seeing some success, but it never comes as fast as you thing.  Here are the statistics for the past week:

BMI - 45.6  (down 0.2)
Calorie Intake - 1796/day
Calories Burned - 3407/day
Net Caloric difference - 1611/day
Water - 72 oz/day


Proteins - Carbs - Fat distribution --          41% - 48% - 10%


Still have the mental block about getting 2000 cal/day.  The one day I felt like I ate too much (didn't), I ended up going to the gym and doing another 30 mins on the elliptical.  Doing this extra exercise is not a bad thing, but I must be aware that it is not a cure all if I get off track.  However, mentally, I felt it was necessary to do this.  Another good thing is that I drastically increased the amount of vegetables this week, it resulted in bigger meals, but again, felt I ate more (less calories) and had to do more to make up for what I ate.  Grrrr.

I am a skeptic, I do my research, I don't buy into pseudoscience.  So "experts", listen up!  I do not need your advice on how to lose weight/get healthy.  Yes, I know I have to burn more calories than I consume.  I know that I must exercise (anaerobic and aerobic) on a consistent basis to increase my metabolism.  What pisses me off are the "experts".  Usually, skinny people (yes, I'm generalizing) suggesting how I should eat, what I should eat, and how I should exercise.

1. Unless you are in the medical profession, shut up!  I know I should have about 2000 cal/day with plenty of protein, fruits, and vegetables.  I really think it is nice that you can survive eating one garden salad with no dressing for the week.  I also think it is awesome that you can eat as much as you want without gaining an ounce.  You know, saying stuff like that to a person with weight issues makes you an asshole.
   
   
2. Yes, I know I shouldn't eat after 6 pm or however many hours before you go to sleep.  But you know what, I have a life.  I work and have a family, I wish I could have dinner finished by 6 or 7 everyday, but it is just not possible.  Get a life!
   
   
3. Exercise experts.  These people piss me off the most.  I was at the gym yesterday, just finished 45 mins of lifting and was doing my cardio.  I usually do about 30 mins of cardio (elliptical/bike/treadmill) and finish about 2 miles (more on the bike).  In any case, this guy says you know what, you will lose weight faster if you run faster and farther.  It took every ounce of self-restraint to just nod and walk away.   In retrospect I should have said, "let's see how fast and far you can run when I strap 10 lb weights to your ankles and wrists, then let's add a 50 lb backpack.  Now I know that is only an extra 90 lbs, but I'll give you the benefit of the doubt." 
   
   My guess is that asshole would not have been able to complete a mile let alone two.  I'm sure he would not be running an 8 minute mile.  I will not be putting up with this type of jerk in the future, guess it is just the "polite Canadian" in me.

So far, things these first couple of weeks have gone well.  Good thing is that I do not count calories, I would go freaking bat shit crazy if I measured out calories before I eat things.  When I track things it is always after the fact.  Same goes for exercise, I have a routine, cardio everday, weights every second day, but the tracking is not until after it happens.  I believe that this gives me a great sense of where I am on a daily basis.

Getting Healthy - 2.01 - Binge Eating Disorder

First the good news!  And here are the statistics.

BMI -                                      45.8 (down 0.7)
Calorie Intake -                       1780/day
Calories Burned -                    3315/day
Net Caloric difference -          1534/day
Water -                                    72 oz/day

Protiens - Carbs - Fat distribution --          38% - 50% - 12%

I feel that my biggest issues with this are that I must increase my calorie intake/day to about 2000, the problem with that is that I am terrified that I will not be able to stop.  I would also like to even out the protien-carb distribution.  But overall, this is a very good start!

Week one of the healthy eating/living lifestyle is now complete.  And it was difficult!  Mentally, overcoming urges just to make a peanut butter sandwich or three and down them, was so difficult.  I can see where people with drug/alcohol/smoking addictions have problems.  I did some research into binge eating and found an interesting article in the Psychiatric Times. It describes something called Binge  Eating Disorder (BED).  However, BED is not a recognized disorder and therefore goes untreated.  There is a list of questions for clinicians to identify BED.

Do you eat unusually large amounts of food at one sitting (equivalent to two full meals)?

- Absolutely!  Whenever I finish, a second helping, plus whatever is not finished by others at tables often happens.

Do you eat this way even when you're not hungry?

- Hungry? Always hungry!

Do you eat until you're uncomfortably full?

- Full?  What is this full you speak of?  There is never enough food.  I would only stop if I was going to puke.  It has got to this point many times.

Do you feel you've lost control and can't stop eating?

- All the time!

Do you feel ashamed or depressed afterwards?

- All the time!

Has this happened two or more times a week for six months?

- Stupid question!  Of course it happens and it took me way longer that six months to get beyond obese.

Do you eat alone because you're embarrassed to eat around others?

- Yes.  I find that even if I am around others I am eating alone.  I will eat fast and sneak so others will not see.  When alone, that is the worse.  In the car on the way to work, on the way home, binge eating occurs.  The second my family leaves the house, binge eating.  The overwhelming desire to eat is so strong.


There is a relationship to BED and Bulimia nervosa.  The biggest difference is there is no desire to purch calories (vomiting, diuretics, laxatives, or excessive exercise) after a binge eating episode.  As a result, people who have BED end up obese; people with Bulimia nervosa remain skinny.


What can be done?  Who knows?  It is going to be avoiding situations where I am alone with food.  This is really hard when there is food in the house, there is a pizza place at the other end of the phone line, or a fast food restaurant only five minutes away.  The second thing is I will need friends, family, coworkers, anyone to keep an eye on me. Hey, I'm really good a sneaking food.  I have been doing this for a long time and you haven't caught me yet.  Have you seen me eat those six donuts at school?  Probably not.

SB

Getting Healthy 2.0

I really hate to call it a diet, it must be more of a lifestyle change.  I realize what I must do to accomplish my goals.  I have done my due diligence as I always do when starting a project.  I have created a spreadsheet with my starting statistics, height, weight, BMI, and the scary number of inches around body parts.  As well, I will be keeping track of protein, carb, fats.  The following ratios worked well for me in the past and seem to be a consensus on many websites, 50% protein, 30% carbs, 20% fats.  Water intake will be at least 48 oz/day.  Finally, I will not be eating after 6 pm if I can help it.

This is going to suck so bad!  Will go for a run if I fell hungry, but this is going to kill me.  Well, if I don't do this I'll kill be killing myself.

Workouts goals are to be at least 30 minutes of cardio/day (running/biking/swimming) and lifting at least three times/week.  This will be easy to do when school starts as I'll be biking everyday, parking at school will be a nightmare.

Beginning Stats - July 25
Weight -- Too much
BMI - 43.5
Sum of Inches (230) neck, chest, waist, thigh, calf, belly